the dating series:
three steps to getting
Dopamine rush go awayyyyy
Cora Boyd, a professional dating coach, sat down with us to share her top three scientific tips on getting over the emotional mindf*ck that happens post-breakup.
Step 1: Make Progress on Something
The best thing you can do is feel like you're making progress on something. Whether that's learning a new skill or working on a house project or getting in shape — find something.
When you find something uplifting and wholesome to do with your time that you can feel that you're making progress on, this will help make you feel satisfied.
It's going to help you feel better about yourself. It's going to give you a sense of agency and control (in scientific terms -- this is referred to as 'self-efficacy') over something when you feel very little sense of agency or control over this entire emotional mind fuck that happens with grief around relationships.
Step 2: Honor the Stages of Grief
Call it what it is: heartbreak. It's a form of grief; you're mourning the loss of a relationship of a person who was/is really important to you.
Reference the seven stages of grief and acknowledge that sometimes you need to feel angry as fuck and think about all the things you hated about that person or why it didn't work out.
However you deal with it, honor those stages of grief.
Step 3: Have New Experiences
Go out and having new experiences that have nothing to do with your ex. Learn something new, go on a trip, and create some separation between what your life was with that person and what your life is now.
It's your life you need to make memories that are yours that don't belong to your life with this other person. Novel experiences are important for happiness because it combats the hedonic treadmill.
Having new experiences, making progress, engaging with a sense of purpose and honoring the process are the ways that will make this shit a little more bearable.